Chapter 1: Happy Rez Day!

We need to get around a little more.

We, the residents of Second Life, seem to follow a very narrow path, day after day. We log in and may visit our own homes and sims, a couple of dance clubs and shops, a favorite hangout where friends are sure to be...but that's about it. Despite the fact that there are tens of thousands of sims to visit, any sense of exploration or wanderlust doesn't seem to be in our avatars' bloodstreams. We SL residents seem to suffer from a deplorable lack of curiosity of the world around us. Few seem to explore. I don't know why, but considering the vastness of our pixelated SL universe, it seems a pity we rarely travel outside our comfort zones.

Welcome to Second Life! Your journey begins here...

I sometimes feel like an outcast, in that I just don't sit still for long. While I may be having a good time at any given event, those intriguing shapes and buildings I see far off into the distance on the next sim always beckon me forward. The tourist in me usually wins out in the end, and off I go. Sometimes what I find, I love. Sometimes what I find, I hate. Sometimes I find nice people, sometimes rude. Sometimes the greatest entertainment value of SL is sit here and make fun of it all! I therefore invite you share in my wanderings in order for you to get a better appreciation of the hugeness, diversity (and sometimes outright stupidity!) that is Second Life.

Typical confused noob on his Rez Day.

To start our journey, where better than in the place where it begins for many: Orientation Island. The first destination for many Rez Day noobs, Orientation Island is a lovely Linden-built tropical paradise, with many informational placards and features and (occasionally) helpful residents to guide you on your first day. Here you'll find a lot of noobs with their crummy Rez Day avatars and their horrible original AO. But if they pay attention, (hopefully) they'll learn how to walk, fly and even type.

Confused noob meets bitchy regulars in Orientation Island

Here also, are a lot of regulars who have nowhere better to go, and who've seemingly never left the nest. Most of the regulars hang out at the summit, which is the highest point on the west side of the island. The sim is heavily trafficked by regulars and can become very, very laggy. Noobs may wander the island, clicking on the many informational kiosks and asking help of older residents. Eventually, the regulars will tire of the lag and try to get rid of noob avatars by resorting to rude gestures and swearing. Then they'll beg them to move on to the next level. They haven't far to go: the next logical step in learning about Second Life is just in the very next sim to the West: Help Island!

The fun of learning how to build objects!

There are actually two Help Islands, but only Help Island1 ever seems to get any traffic. If you jump off the summit in Orientation Island, you may swim over to Help Island1 very easily (or just fly, or walk under the water. Why not? This is Second Life!). The first thing you will find is the sandbox. Here, hapless noobs valiantly attempt to learn the mysteries of sculpting, building, and texturing. Park your avatar at a safe distance and watch the fun unfold! (Scripting has been disabled for this particular sandbox to foil griefers; so you can't really accomplish a whole lot, if you have some advanced work to do).

Noobs can be overloaded with new info!

So forget about the sandbox (except for the noob-watching entertainment value), and continue on to the futuristic-looking platform which is the main greeting area for the sim. Usually a good two dozen noobs and regulars stand around at any given time. Here noobs are generally a tad more advanced. They've probably been to a freebie shop by this time (notice all the avatars with "Sexy Freebie Paradise" as their labels! Wonder where they went on their first day?) They ask lots of questions. Most of them want to know why in the heck they seem to be wearing two different kinds of hair and shoes at the same time. Help them, won't you? By patiently explaining to them about bald bases, shoe forms and how to remove an unwanted piece of clothing?

Things are generally very mellow here, with but a few disturbances, usually just dorky types wanting to know where to go to have sex. There are many regulars here; my least favorite is a character named MikeC Althouse who wears an enormous spider-like avatar that spews particle spam. He uses a voice changer to sound like Darth Vader and lobs insults at regulars and noobs alike, reminding everyone in sight of how stupid they are in his presence. He purports to be helpful, when in fact he's an object of great dismay for many who encounter him, and far more feeble-minded than the people he calls stupid. He habitually makes it a point to get people banned though, so look out! He's possibly SL's most prolific serial AR filer!

By now, you should pretty much understand the basics of Second Life and you're ready to cut loose the apron strings and get down to some serious building and exploring, right? Nah, maybe not. But we'll continue our little tour, by venturing out to SL's very popular Welcome Areas! Or as they're more appropriately known, the Unwelcome Areas. First up: let's take a quick trip, just a few sims away, to loveable Waterhead!

The mischievous merry-makers of Waterhead.

Waterhead is probably the least-trafficked of all the major SL welcome areas. And there's a good reason for that: the people there are mean!!! Generally, the area skews towards younger users. Dance gestures abound, and crude and sometimes outright x-rated avatars are to be seen everywhere. Residents here also like to make drug references, call one another "fag" and play very loud and ghastly music over Voice. You will also hear some of the foulest gestures ever recorded, but those gestures are nothing compared to the nasty venom that comes out of the kids' potty mouths! Rarely will you ever tp into this area and not come into the middle of some big Battle Royale between two or more residents. If you don't like bitching and juvenile behavior...just stay away from Waterhead!!!

Ahern: four sims full of sheer bitchiness!

For those a little more adventurous, there's always beautiful Ahern to visit. Ahern is actually the hub of four adjoining sims, so traffic there can be insanely and very densely populated at peak times. Ahern's regulars seem a bit older than Waterhead's...but I didn't say they seemed more mature. Juvenile pranks and incessant bitching are the order of the day. Ahern seems to attract a very low class and disgrunted mob of worldwide users. The median educational level here seems to be that of high school dropout. The level of griefing here is high, but it's also very half-witted!

Ahern: a total zoo?

But Ahern is also renowned for its colorful sightings of non-sequitur avatars. From the profoundly beautiful to the whimsically wacky, Ahern seems to be the place to go to show off the fact that you wish every day was Halloween. Avatar-watchers flock to Ahern just to watch the show. Others just view Ahern as a total zoo!

Waterfalzz Extraordinaire: the Queen Bee of SL!

Presiding over all in Ahern is the infamous Waterfalzz Extraordinaire, a SL mainstay is one of its most controversial citizens! Her crime, it seems, it generally that of scolding noobs incessantly and of possessing a rather annoying voice. There has been a concerted effort by annoyed users to get her perma-banned. So far, no go. There is also a complete blog mocking her and her Ahern cohorts. Her rants also seem to be a perennial favorite topic of hastily-made Youtube videos. Waters (as she is known) is almost a permanent fixture and may be seen holding court in front of the Games pavilion at all hours of the day.

Well, that's enough of "welcome" areas for now. I'm sure you have a better understanding of just how mean some of these places can really be! More tomorrow!

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So who am I? In the immortal words of Gossip Girl, "that's one secret I'll never tell!" I may be that quiet, unassuming little avatar that always seem to be present at any given event: mute, inactive, yet strangely, somehow involved. When you randomly hear a picture being taken, maybe it was me, preserving your strange doin's for posterity. But you'll never really know. I can be any avatar, anywhere, at any time. And while you never know where I'll be, follow this blog and you'll at least see where I've been.

to be continued...